Joker's Wild
by Linkz1
Summary: The Joker has taken Selina Kyle hostage, what plans does he have in store?  Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

"This city belongs to me.

"How long have I lurked the murky underworld here? Five years? A decade? A century even? The years have flown by, so many crimes. It's all a blur in my eyes. Yet, there is one constant in my life: Batman.

"He's been a thorn in my side since I can remember. And as much as he can make me go insane -as if I haven't already been there and back already- I seem to be at my best when he is around. He pulls the right strings. He plays the right cards! He knows that the Joker is wild!

"If people only could realize how I think, they'd know that I'm as normal as that Mr. Smith who works in accounting at Wayne Enterprises. When Gotham City needs a kick in the balls I'm here to deliver it. It's as if the people of this city cannot appreciate the true genius that is me! Oswald Cobblepott has his trick umbrellas and is a shrewd businessman, Edward Nigma has his riddles and Harvey Dent has his coin. Me? I enjoy the feeling of true anarchy. Rules do not apply. What are rules anyway?

"Perhaps my ideals on life are best described through my "romantic" relationship with Harley Quinn. This poor wretched whore thinks that I love her! Have you ever heard anything more rich? Ha ha ha ha! Ever since we met at Arkham I've used her like I use my trick hand buzzer. She's merely a tool for me to meet my ends. Harley enjoys fawning over me like I'm some sort of adonis, but she gets nothing from me. I've given up trying to figure out her fascination with me anyway. Besides, she has never truly understood who I am. Or what I am. And for that matter, I have only ever loved one woman, I'd never bring myself to love another.

"Huh?

"I guess right about now you're saying to yourself, 'How does someone like The Joker have the capacity to love someone?' Well, let me give you some insight, you nosy little twit! You see, I wasn't always like this. No, at one time I had a family. At least, I think I did. Or was it my brother's? Or my sister? It's times like this I wish I stayed away from laughing gas. You have no idea what it does to someone's memory!

"Where was I?

"Yes, that's right. My past life. You see, I was always a clown. I could joke with the best of them! When I was twelve, my parents kicked me out of the house because of my bad habits. I would smoke inside, and play poker with gangsters. At least that's what people called my friends. When my parents kicked me out, the gangsters took me in. I learned valuable life lessons. For instance: did you know that the only way to make your meal taste truly great is to prepare it with free food? And of course, if you have even half a brain in that thick skull of yours, you'd know that by free, I mean STOLEN! Ha ha ha ha! When I was fifteen, I met a beautiful girl. Her name was Julie. At the risk of sounding soft and sentimental, let's just say I loved the bitch. Long blond hair, gorgeous green eyes – now that I recall, it'd match my hair color pretty well now- and I cannot forget that body. Have you ever seen Catwoman prowling around? Just think her, except, you know, not a wench! Ha ha ha ha!

"Julie and I married when I was twenty. It was the best and worst day of my life. You see, she tied me up and ran off with all my belongings! I've forgiven her. At least I think I have. I mean, look at me! This beautiful purple suit, my wonderful white complexion, crimson lips! I'm the picture of good health and prosperity.

"You know, you look like you're becoming a little more than bored with my story. Not enough action for you? OK. How's this?

"I blew Julie's brain's out.

"Metaphorically speaking of course. You see, Julie is just a storybook character. Like me, she seems fantastic to the outsider. Unlike me, she has never hurt anyone. No no no. This won't do at all!

"Your eyes are closing on me dammit! Don't make me sic Croc on you. You know he's been hungry lately. Now, his is a life I'm glad I don't have. Eating people? I can kill people without a second thought, nothing gets me my jollies better than a nice twisted smile on someone's face. But Croc? That freak of nature was human at one point. He now has a taste for man flesh. But he is such a great friend. He's the only other person in this city that knows about my Julie.

"Listen to me going on and on, talking about myself. I'm such a terrible host my friend. Want a drink? A cigar perhaps? Or how about a .44 caliber slug right between the eyes? You see, Brucey Baby, you may think you run this city, but you have no power. Money you have. But you have honor. Something, frankly, that is overrated in this wretched hive of a city.

"You really want to know what makes this clown tick? It's the adrenaline rush I feel when pulling off the perfect heist! It's beating my old friend, Bats, at his own game. It's beating the Boy Wonder within inches of his pathetic life! Gordon was right about me Wayne. You never should have made a deal with the devil.

"And now Bruce, you will know I'm right when I say that this city belongs to me!"

_And with that, the mad clown known as The Joker cocks his pistol, placing the cold steel of the barrel onto Bruce Wayne's perspiring forehead. Not in his wildest dreams did he think it would come to this. He and The Joker, and a bullet between them. Joker pulls the trigger, there's a smell of igniting gunpowder, a bang, then blackness._

Bruce snaps up in his bed, for a moment not comprehending what he had just felt. Perhaps his run in with Scarecrow that night was still affecting him. He did get a pretty heavy dose of fear gas after all. Shaking the cobwebs of sleep from his head, he pushes himself up and out of bed. Walking through the seemingly deserted halls of Wayne Manor he hears the news on in the kitchen.

Opening the door, he peers into the kitchen to watch in horror as The Joker is front and center. He's at city hall, and who's that tied up next to him? Bruce squints to sharpen his focus. Selina! Without a sound he leaves the kitchen and stalks down the halls of his home. Slinking through the shadows as though possessed by his alter ego. The way to the cave opens, and Bruce enters.

Pulling on the cowl he peers over at his monitors. Joker, he thinks to himself, this time you've gone too far, this time, I will stop you.

The Batmobile's engine rages on, as Batman stares straight ahead into the void of his cave. "I will stop you Joker. Even if it means I have to break my one rule to do it!"

And in a less than a second the cave is silent, except for the maniacal laughter of the Joker on the television.


	2. Chapter 2

He stands with his hands clasped behind his back. Barely moving. For the first time all day, he's silent. The light of the setting sun playing off the windows of the skyscrapers and office buildings. He almost doesn't even look real, until the porcelain smile cracks wider. The Joker knows that his plan will work. Bruce Wayne will be his.

Turning around to glance at his hostage, the beautiful Selina Kyle, Joker smiles again. This time letting out an audible cackle, breaking the rare moment of silence.

Selina stirs from a restless sleep, beginning to recollect how she came to be in the clutches of The Joker. She knew that Bruce never would have made such a strange request: wait inside City Hall, he'd come for her and take her to the Iceburg Lounge. Selina, you really are an idiot, she thinks to herself. "Ugh, if I ever get my hands on that damn Quinn!"

The Joker grimaces as he hears Selina's first words since being knocked out cold, "Oh, what's the matter my dear girl? You know that Harley was just playing!"

"Stuff it clown," Selina's defiance, strong as ever, "I'm sure once Bruce realizes what's going on, he'll be calling in a friend of ours to take you back to the padded cell you belong in."

Joker just shakes his and walks over to Selina. Taking out a gun from his coat, he raises it and points it at her, "Behave yourself. If you think what Harley did to was bad, you've never seen what I can be capable of!"

Hearing the sound of the gun being cocked, Selina grimaces. This is it, no more adventures with Bruce, she thinks to herself, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. She hears the trigger click and...nothing. Looking up she sees the bright red flag pointing out of the gun barrel: BANG!

"Ha ha ha ha! You should have seen the look on your face toots!" Joker, begins dancing around the room playfully. "I'm not going to spoil my day by taking you out so soon. No. My goals are bigger than that my dear girl. Care to hear about them?"

"Maybe, if you untie me first."

"But where's the fun in that? I mean, what can be gained if I untie you eh?" The Joker scratches his chin mocking deep thought. "Who's to say you won't try to jump me? I know that I'm a damn good looking fella!"

There's the soft shuffling of feet behind her, Selina tries to turn to see but cannot. "Oh, Harley! How nice of you to join our little party!"

Harley walk's by Selina and hugs Joker. "Puddin', why did you make me do the dirty work on this one? She wasn't even worth a swing with my mallet!"

"Now, now my dear, I needed you to take care of her so I could prepare for our guest of honor!"

Selina breaks in, obviously annoyed, "Let me guess, Batman?"

"Ha! She thinks we're going through all this trouble just for Bats!" Harley sneers, fingering her pigtails. "You really have a lot to learn there missy. And I think you ought to mind your own bees wax!" Harley walks over to Selina and lands a right hook on her chin. "That ought to keep you from talking out of turn young lady!"

"Harley," Joker breaks in, his happiness and excitement palpable, "play nice with Miss Kyle. She's as important as Bruce Wayne is in all this. After all, she's the bait!"

"Oh, right! Sorry Mr. J!"

Trying to fight the blackness from taking her again, Selina shakes her head. If only I had my cat claws, I could try and break these bonds, she thinks to herself. "Harley, would you be a dear and bring my purse to me please?"

"You think I'm going to fall for that kind of a trick?"

"Of course not," trying to think of an excuse, Selina continues, "I know you're not stupid. You see, well, I just remembered I left a whole bundle of cash in there. Maybe I could persuade you to untie me?"

Harley narrows her eyes, then looks over at Joker. "Should I sweetheart?"

"Be my guest! I've never turned down free money. Besides, what harm can she do if we untie her anyway."

Picking up Selina's purse, Harley makes her way across the room. She opens and begins sifting through the contents. "I'm not seeing anything in here girly!"

"Bring the purse over here. The cash is in a secret compartment. I'll show you where, just untie me."

Harley drops the purse unceremoniously in Selina's lap. The bonds of rope begin to loosen as she unties her. As soon as the bonds let go, Selina makes her move. A quick fist flies up and punches Harley square in the nose.

"Ow! Hey, that's not fair! You said you wouldn't try anything!"

Selina leaps off the chair and looks back as Harley struggles to maintain her composure after the sharp hit to the face. "That's mild compared to what I can do to you Quinn!"

"Enough!" The Joker shouts, seemingly annoyed at the game the girls are playing. "Miss Kyle, have I been anything less than accommodating to you? Why do you want to start trouble before our guest has even arrived?"

"Being knocked out and tied up is not my idea of accommodating." Selina reaches into her purse, where's that damn cell phone? Finding it, she clicks a button on it's side, I hope he's on his way, but this should definitely help him find me.

The black form of the Batmobile speeds through the streets of Gotham. Batman's gaze is motionless, the focus clear, even through the cowl on his face. "Joker, I've had it with your games. If you do anything to harm Selina in any way-" just then, a beep begins to cut into his thoughts. He looks at the GPS display. The clear shape of a cat appearing to him near City Hall, more specifically, showing Batman where in the vicinity he needs to look. "Thank goodness she was able to use it. This will certainly help me track her down."

Pressing further onto the accelerator, the Batmobile speeds on towards City Hall. It isn't long before something falls into his path. Batman slams the brakes with all his might to stop the vehicle. Opening the canopy, he steps out to see what he almost hit. "A scaffold?" Batman turns towards the buildings to see why it fell. Looking up he notices two figures at the top of one of the buildings. "Looks like a fight. Better check it out." Without a second's hesitation, Batman fires his grapple up to the roof, and is gone from the street.


	3. Chapter 3

Batman has barely landed onto the rooftop before he has to duck out of the way of a flying fist. The scuffle he saw from street level isn't nearly as serious as he thought, seeing the familiar figure of Dick Grayson, now better known as Nightwing, fighting in front of him. Comforted for the first time all day, he lends a hand to the young crime fighter.

"Need help taking out this trash, Nightwing?"

Nightwing slams another fist into the crook, a rather smallish looking man dressed in a leather coat and jeans. Definitely small time, Batman thinks to himself. "Be my guest, next hit is all yours!"

Nightwing lands a smashing roundhouse kick onto the man's jaw bone. He sails across the rooftop towards Batman who promptly gives him a hard elbow to the back of the head, knocking the crook out. Looking over at Nightwing, Batman adjusts his Batsuit and brushes himself off.

"Busy day, Dick?"

"No busier than usual," Nightwing says with a smile. "This guy thought it'd be a good idea to rob the jewelry store on Gotham Ave., I showed him otherwise."

Looking down at the crumpled heap on the rooftop, Batman notices that in the breast pocket of his coat is an envelope. Cautiously, he picks it up and examines it. "I guess no better way to find out what this is all about than to open it, eh old chum?"

"Unless you have x-ray vision, and seeing as how you don't have a giant red "S" on your chest, I'd say you should open it."

Opening up the envelope reveals an unmistakable image: a Joker playing card. Batman growls and rips it to pieces. Joker knew I'd be coming this way, this was merely a set up. He looks over at Nightwing who looks to be getting a bit impatient, waiting for an explanation for his behavior.

"Dick," Batman starts in his best brotherly tone, "I think you'd better steer clear of Gotham tonight. This card, The Joker meant for me to find it. He's trying to distract me."

Puzzled, Nightwing asks, "Distract you from what, Bruce?"

"He's kidnapped Selina, " Batman's tone is grave, even more so than usual.

Nightwing walks over to his friend, and pats him on the back, offering what little comfort he knows can be given to The Dark Knight. "If she's in trouble, I want to help. Joker may be a mad man, but I know between the two of us, we can surely take care of whatever trouble he's planning to cause."

Turning to look at Nightwing, Batman glares, "I told you, stay away from Gotham tonight! If he's already got Selina, there's no telling what he'd try to do if he got you too. I-" He hesitates but a moment, unable to believe that The Batman is about to cry, "-I can't afford to let another person I love get in harms way."

Nodding, Nightwing stalks over to the edge of the rooftop, looking toward City Hall. A chill runs down his spine as he considers what Batman might be in store for. "Listen, Bruce, I'll obey your wish because you're like a father to me. I'll bide my time at the mansion. But don't expect me to ignore you. I'll be in the Cave monitoring the entire situation. If anything should happen, I'll will come to your aid."

A smile cracks on Batman's grim facade, "Thanks, Dick."

Nightwing leaps off the building as Batman's smile fades. Turning to look at City Hall once more, he knows that he cannot waste any more time. No one, not even Scarecrow himself, can stop The Dark Knight this day. He leaps off the building and is once again racing towards City Hall and The Joker.

"Ha ha ha ha! Harley, you really are too much sometimes!" The Joker laughs as he looks at her struggle with Selina. "Let me tell you ladies something, this is the most excited I've been in years! A beautiful woman dressed like a jester and a whore dressed like some sort of high class prostitute duking it out in a vicious cat fight! Ha ha ha!"

Selina chuckles to herself, if he only knew how appropriate it was calling this a cat fight. She lands a hard punch into Harley's ribs, taking the breath from her for but a moment. "Listen Quinn, I'd love to spend all day dancing with you here, but I have a date I'm late for!"

"With who? Bruce 'Vain'?" Harley straightens herself for a moment and cackles, as she swings a stiletto heeled boot towards Selina's face. Acting with the reflexes of a cat, Selina catches the boot and throws Harley onto the floor.

"You say anything nasty about Bruce, and so help me I will make sure you never get to kiss your 'Puddin' ever again! Got it bitch?" Selina smashes the toe of her shoe into Harley's teeth. A small puddle of crimson begins pooling on the floor as she whimpers.

Turning around, Selina sees Joker eying her up and down. "You know what the problem is with you Miss Kyle?"

"What's that?" 

"You have poor taste in men. Bruce Wayne may have money, he may have good looks, but look at that personality! He's like a door!" The Joker looks at the television screen mounted on the wall, as if by sheer will, a picture of Bruce is being shown on the news.

"He's more of a man than you could ever know Joker," Selina says, trying her best to keep her composure. I can't let my emotions out, not now, I need to be strong for Bruce and for myself.

"Is he?" The Joker pauses the image of Bruce Wayne and lets it sit on the screen. "Then why has he not met my demands? If he truly cares and loves you the way you pretend he does, then where are my millions in cash?"

Selina's heart begins to race, is this why I'm here? The Joker is holding me for ransom? Shit, I wish I could reach him before he gets here, warn him! "Joker, maybe you should reiterate your demands." I need to get to the bathroom, she thinks to herself, if I can figure out a way to keep the clown distracted, Selina Kyle may not be able to do something about this, but Catwoman definitely can.

The Joker pauses and looks thoughtful for a moment, "I suppose you're right my dear. After all, he can't pay me when he doesn't know the amount and who the check should be written out to, eh?" With that, Joker turns his back to Selina and begins fumbling with his AV equipment. "You know the problem with being a criminal genius Miss Kyle, is that you never can find good help! This will only be a minute while I set everything up. He he he!"

Selina grasps her purse and says, "All this excitement Joker. I think I really need to freshen up a bit. You know what I mean."

"Huh? What are you getting at?"

"Oh come on, don't play stupid with me. I'm sure every once in a while Harley has to freshen up too. She is a woman right?" Selina tries to sound as self assured as possible, hoping he buys this excuse for the bathroom.

The Joker turns and looks at Selina. Again, eying her up and down in a perverse way, almost sexual. "Anything you need to take care of can be done right here toots. I promise not to peek!"

"I really doubt that. I'll be five minutes at the most. Time me! If I'm not back, you have my permission to get me yourself!" Selina grimaces to herself at the thought of the Joker trying to do anything to her, let alone anything sexual.

Scratching his chin, he nods, "I suppose I can let the lovely lady take care of things. Go on, before I change my mind!"

Selina hurries past him to the other end of the room and into one of the many long hallways of City Hall. I'm surprised that worked, she thinks to herself as she quickly shuffles to the closest ladies room. Quickly shutting and locking the door behind her, she empties her purse. "Lucky for me Harley is sloppy, she never found the secret compartment I told her about." Opening the hidden sleeve in her purse, Selina begins to pull out the leathery black outfit of Catwoman.

Without taking a breath, she strips off her dress and slinks into her costume. Pulling the ears over her head, she looks at herself in the mirror, "Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. A little lipstick and mascara and Catwoman will be ready to pounce!" And in a flash, Selina Kyle is gone, and in her place, Catwoman.

"Joker, you never should have crossed the Cat, let alone the Bat. Once he gets here you'll have more trouble than you can handle!" Unlocking the door Catwoman emerges and begins prancing down the hallway back toward the office Selina was being held in, peering in cautiously, she sees that Harley is still lying on the floor, Joker is busy prepping himself for his announcement. No better time than now, she thinks to herself.


	4. Chapter 4

"And so, with this in mind, I call on millionaire playboy, Bruce Wayne, to donate $10 million in cash to the venerable Save a Joke Foundation For the Criminally Inept!" Joker stands in front of a camera, keeping an eye on the monitors in the room to make sure he looks and sounds evil enough for the occasion. "Mr. Wayne," Joker's tone becomes harsh, "if you don't show up with the cash, then you will never see your precious little whore ever again! Ha ha ha ha!" Kicking the camera over Joker spins on his heels, for once, he thinks, I will get what I want. A millionaire will bend to my will, and Batman will be in my grasp.

Catwoman seems to emerge from the shadows in the room as Joker celebrates his near victory. "Hate to cut your party short Joker, but if I have something to say about the matter, I think you'll be spending a lot of time in Arkham."

Joker's smile transforms into a scowl, "Why you stupid cat! Why couldn't you leave well enough alone! This was my show!"

She slinks around the room, toying with her whip. Surveying the situation she sees that Harley is still down for the count, good. "Too bad Miss Kyle slipped away when I arrived then. Seems to put a pretty large hole in your plans doesn't?"

Grabbing a gun off one the desks the Joker brandishes it towards her. His smile gone, and his eyes wild with hate. "This was going to be the big one! The one time I'd have had it all. But seeing as how you felt the need to meddle in someone else's affairs, I have no choice but to put you down little kitty."

In the blink of an eye, Joker pulls the trigger. Without thinking, Catwoman leaps away from the path of the oncoming bullet. Turning towards the Joker, she cracks her whip across his gun hand, making the weapon fall harmlessly to the floor. That taken care of, an elegant cartwheel brings her right in front of the Joker. She rears her fist back and lands a fierce punch to his groin.

"Ow!" The Joker falls to the ground in a heap, stunned by the hard punch. "I would like to have kids one day you little harlot!"

"Too bad for you, you crossed the wrong cat today!" A sharp kick lands into Joker's ribs, I definitely cracked them, she thinks to herself.

Struggling to breathe, the Joker begins to drag himself across the floor, "You...I...HATE...YOU!"

"Feeling's mutual." And Catwoman lands another swift kick onto the Joker's back. "Maybe now you'll stop feeling the need to kidnap innocent young women."

"Innocent? Ha!" The Joker cackles, clearly showing pain.

Catwoman begins circling the crumpled clown. Let's see, should I kick his face this time or his ass. Decisions, decisions! All of a sudden she hears a click behind her and BANG! Catwoman falls to the floor, as Harley stands with a gun in her hands.

"That's for punching my puddin' in the balls!"

Damn, Catwoman thinks between waves of intense pain, she got my leg really good. Now I'm definitely not getting out of here without some help. "You're a complete nut job Harley. Really you are."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Harley bows ceremoniously, "Now, you know what they say about payback, well get ready to feel some!" Harley's fist crashes into Catwoman's cheek, and more sharp pain.

"Not so tough now are you?" Harley laughs as she squares up to land another punch, she stops as she hears an all too familiar voice.

"She's tougher than you can imagine Quinzel."

"That-that voice, Bats?"

A Batarang whizzes from the shadows and knocks Harley down with a blow to the head. As if made of shadow, the figure of Batman becomes visible and Catwoman can feel a sense of relief and happiness wash over her, Bruce, you finally made it.

Extending a hand down to her, "May I be of assistance?"

"Thanks Batman. Has anyone ever told you how much of a gentleman you are?" Catwoman smirks a little.

"This might be a first," he smiles back to her, "I hope I didn't leave you waiting too long."

Steadying her balance on her wounded leg, Catwoman says "No, I had enough time to soften the Joker up a bit."

Batman notices the purple heap on the floor. Stepping over to the Joker, he reaches down and grabs the clown by the collar of his blazer. "What's all this about holding Selina Kyle for ransom?"

The Joker spits a little onto The Dark Knight in defiance, "Bruce Wayne was supposed to deliver me a whole load of money, and then you were supposed to come to his rescue!"

Shoving himself away from Batman's grasp the Joker continues, "But thanks to the curious kitty over there, my whole plan is ruined! Bruce Wayne was finally going to learn that this city belongs to me!"

Shocked by what he just heard, Batman almost doesn't say anything more, "Belongs to you?"

"Yes! This whole damn city is one huge joke to mankind! Bruce Wayne thinks he has power because of his wealth. Well I was going to teach him different. This city doesn't belong to people like him. It's run by the freaks. Like you and me, and even Catwoman can join in on the freak show! Ha ha ha!

"Think about it Batman, what better way to show this city what I'm capable of than by taking it's star citizen and bringing him down to our level? Could you even imagine what that would do to the delicate psyche of the populace!"

Batman clenches his fist, if Joker only knew who was under the cowl. If he only knew why The Batman exists.

Joker walks over to Catwoman and looks her in the eyes, "You know that I'm well aware of you and Batman. Your 'relationship' with each other."

Catwoman glares at the Joker, trying to keep herself from clawing his eyes out. Calm down Selina, you know Bruce would never stand for something like that.

"I wonder," Joker continues on, sounding thoughtful, "seeing as how my guests of honor are no shows, maybe you could provide me some entertainment." A sneer crosses his white face. "You know Catwoman, I've always found you attractive," Joker walks behind her, and begins sliding his hand down her shoulder.

Batman begins to feel himself lose control of his emotions. The thought of that psychopath even trying to do anything to Selina is too much for him to bear. "Enough!"

Joker stops, and stares at Batman, "Am I touching a raw nerve for you Bats? You know I never pegged you for the jealous type. I can share. Here, take Harley!"

With that, Catwoman swings her leg behind her, landing a firm hit into Joker's stomach. Doubled over in pain he reaches for a gun. "That's it, she dies!"

Things seem to move in slow motion. The Joker cocks the pistol and levels it at Catwoman, who struggles to move. Reacting with the speed of thought, Batman leaps in front of the shot and lands on the floor, a pool of crimson forming underneath his shoulder. Damn, he thinks to himself, I can barely move my arm.

"Bru-Batman!" Catwoman screams, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. Don't blow your cover Selina, for his sake.

"Ha ha ha! Ho ho ho! He he he! So Bats. Shall I try again? This time, I promise to aim for you. Problem is, " Joker again raises the pistol, "there's no telling where this bullet may hit you!"

BANG! The second shot rings out, Batman feels a sharp pain in his right leg. I can barely move now, he thinks. Where's Dick?

Joker drops the pistol and frowns. "You know something Bats? I really thought this was going to be more fun. I mean, I thought I'd be taking you out in a more grand way than this. But then again, taking you out is still one of many things I'll be able to take off my to do list! Ha ha ha! Speaking of which, how about we try to get a hold of that damn playboy again? Maybe if he sees that Gotham's precious Batman is in trouble he might try to help. What do you say Bats?"

Batman tries to sit up, but falls over, through gritted teeth he says, "Go to hell Joker."

"I'd love to, but I've already been there. I must say it was a lot more boring than it looked in the brochures."

Catwoman stumbles over to Batman, struggling to help him to sit up, "Come on, don't give up! We can take him out, Batman."

The Joker shakes his head at the pair. "You two are so cute together! I only wish I had a camera to catch this moment," he looks and grabs one of the many video cameras in the room. "Oh look what I have here! Get ready Bats, it's time for Gotham to see what's become of their hero, and for the people to see what a coward Bruce Wayne really is! Ha ha ha ha!"


	5. Chapter 5

"Welcome home Master Dick." Alfred, Bruce's faithful butler and loyal servant opens the doors to Wayne Manor with a majestic motion. Dick Grayson, crosses the threshold and takes it all in. It never occurred to him that despite not living with Bruce any more, Wayne Manor really was home for him. At least a home away from home.

"How are you Alfred?" Dick says warmly, giving his old friend an embrace.

Alfred looks down the hall of the entryway, giving it an appraising glance, "I'm as good as ever. Bruce still keeps me busy. Last night was a Scarecrow night."

"Scarecrow, again?"

Shrugging Alfred says, "When have we ever seen the last of Gotham's enemies, Master Dick? Bruce was in a right state last night. Despite what he may say, I think the fear gas really got to him. He seemed very, well, disturbed this morning."

Dick begins walking towards the den, ready to head to the Batcave. I can't waste any time, he thinks, I've got a really bad feeling about this mess at City Hall. "It's funny you say that Alfred, Bruce is actually the reason I've stopped by."

Without missing a beat, Alfred reveals he already knows the majority of the story, "Indeed. Bruce left earlier this afternoon. He never spoke a word to me, he pulled on the cowl and was gone. However, knowing why he left, I'd say he had a good reason to." Alfred shakes his head, "Joker stepped over the line for him this time. I'm worried that things might get out of hand before too long."

They stop at the bookshelf in the den, out of pure habit Dick grabs one of the myriad volumes on the shelf. A door slides open in the wall and the two men disappear along a dark corridor. "Has he been more stubborn than usual, Alfred?"

"I daresay he has Master Dick."

"Dammit Bruce."

Alfred knew that tone, there had been many a heated argument in the Batcave between Bruce and Dick through the years. "He refused your assistance I take it?"

"Of course he did," finally arriving in the cave, Dick takes a seat at the main computer. "I can't remember the last time he actually admitted to needing help from anyone, let alone me."

Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, Alfred stands behind Dick peering at the flashing monitors. Dozens of different news outlets now appear in front of them, each one showing a different live feed of events at City Hall. Jack Ryder is there of course, giving a first hand glimpse of events from a chopper high above City Hall. Vicki Vale is on another monitor, interviewing Commissioner Gordon in regards to the apprehension of The Joker. Dick turns the volume up on this particular feed, if anyone will tell it straight, it's Gordon.

"What's the status currently Commissioner, is it true that The Batman is up there with The Joker and Selina Kyle?"

Gordon rubs his forehead, his voice is weary from questioning, "The current situation is classified Miss Vale. All we can confirm is that The Joker is the suspect and we believe there is currently only one hostage."

Unrelenting, Vicki asks again, "Is Selina Kyle the hostage?"

"We cannot confirm nor deny that at this time."

"Commissioner, what about The Batman? There have several reports that he entered City Hall approximately an hour ago. Is there any word as to his whereabouts?"

Gordon sighs, trying to hide Batman is like trying to hide an elephant with a bath towel. "Current reports indicate the vigilante known as Batman did arrive at City Hall. However we have nothing further to report regarding his whereabouts nor the situation. If you'll excuse me Miss Vale." Turning on his heel, Gordon marches away towards the cadre of police that have surround the entrance to the building.

Vicki turns back towards her camera and continues, "Well there you have it folks, the latest on the hostage situation straight from the Commissioner's mouth. Stayed tuned for all the details as they happen."

Dick turns the volume back down and looks at Alfred. Both men intent on finding out what is happening at City Hall. Dick breaks the silence, "I really don't like this waiting around Alfred. I know something is going to happen. If there's one thing I've learned about Joker is that with him, nothing is ever as it seems."

Nodding, Alfred collects a few stray dishes that Bruce had left in the cave from the night before. If I weren't here, he starts to think to himself, "Master Dick, if I may be so bold, perhaps the reason Bruce doesn't want you there is because he knows how serious the situation is. Maybe to him, the thought of losing two people he loves is too much to bear."

Wincing to himself, Dick scratches his chin, "It's funny you should say that Alfred."

"Oh?"

"He said something similar before telling me to come here to monitor things for him."

Alfred cracks a small smile in spite of himself, "You see, though he may not say it directly, he does love you. You are a part of his family after all."

Dick nods, pushing himself up out of the chair. He walks around the cave eying everything that's been collected through the years. Memories of adventures past flood through his mind. Days when he wasn't Nightwing, he was Robin The Boy Wonder. The thoughts come pooling into his mind like the shifting tides. He remembers the first time he had gotten into trouble and Bruce saved him. All the time they spent together in the cave training and sparring one another. Without realizing it, Dick had already started putting on his Nightwing costume.

"Planning on leaving so soon sir?"

"Huh?" Dick suddenly realizes he's almost completely changed, "Well, not soon, but I'd rather be ready to hop on the old motorcycle if the need arises."

Alfred begins to head up the stairs towards the main part of Wayne Manor. Stopping but a moment, he asks, "Would you care for some tea Master Dick? I think we could both use a spot of it."

"Thanks Alfred, that'd be perfect."

Footsteps echo through the cave as he leaves. Dick makes his way back to the monitors and sits back down. Well, he thinks, I guess we should hear what Jack Ryder has to say about things. The volume turns up on the feed from Jack Ryder's chopper.

"-the scene here is truly bedlam. There are police scattered throughout the area as they close off the area around City Hall. Reports coming to GCN indicate that Joker is holding a young woman, by the name of Selina Kyle hostage. His demands are simple: he requests that millionaire Bruce Wayne pays him ten million in cash otherwise he cannot guarantee the woman's safety." An image of Selina flashes onto the news feed, along with a picture of Bruce Wayne.

Sardonically Dick says aloud, "Sensationalism at its finest."

Jack Ryder's report continues, "People may be familiar with Selina Kyle, she and Bruce Wayne have been seen together at several of Gotham City's largest gala events. It's been rumored recently that Mr. Wayne was planning to propose to Miss Kyle with a diamond ring costing upwards of a hundred thousand dollars. Of course at this time, proposing is probably the last thing on anyone's mind. But one has to consider the implications. If Bruce Wayne truly cared for the safety and well being of Miss Kyle, would he not have already met The Joker's demands for money?"

Another voice cuts in on Jack's rambling, "Jack, we've just received word that people spotted Joker's main lieutenant, Harley Quinn in the building as well. We also hear that Quinn is responsible for the kidnapping of Miss Kyle. This of course flies in the face of everything the GCPD has been telling us of The Joker acting alone in this matter. Rumors are also flying around that Catwoman was seen working with Batman. Jack, have you seen anything up there to confirm this?"

The view of the camera on the feed is shaky and with darkness spreading across the city, it's nearly impossible for the chopper to get a clear view of what's happening inside City Hall. Dick bites his lip, I hope they're safe right now. Jack Ryder continues on with his speculation, "I've not seen Batman nor Catwoman, but I would not be surprised to know they are here. It seems lately these two figures have been working together, which of course begs the question: whose side is Batman on anyway? As we all know, Catwoman is a known criminal in her own right, her early career filled with numerous high profile cat burglaries-"

Dick mutes the news feed. I don't think I need a history lesson Jack. Turning around in his chair he sees Alfred coming back down the stairs with a tray filled with the empty white cups he had grown accustomed to drinking from as a boy. Finally, some of Alfred's fine tea!

"Tea is served Master Dick." Alfred gingerly places the tray down on the computer controls and proceeds to pour a glass for Dick.

Lifting the cup to his nose, Dick closes his eyes and sniffs the brew. So many memories, he thinks to himself, this tea will surely hit the spot. "Thanks again Alfred, I needed this right now."

Alfred looks over all the monitors and news feeds. "No news is good news I'd say."

"Only thing happening now is Jack Ryder trying to spread gossip about Bruce and Selina's love life. And to top it off, he's even trying to convince people Batman has turned burglar."

Alfred sighs, "To think, after all that Batman has done for Gotham City, people would still try to paint him in such a negative light."

"He is The Dark Knight, people will make of him what they will." Dick looks up at the monitors again. Still nothing happening, I guess I should be relieved.

"I think if Jack Ryder spent more time trying to ferret out the facts of his stories before reporting on every rumor that comes through his little ear piece, I daresay he would be as a good a news reporter as Vicki Vale." Alfred chuckles to himself.

Grinning Dick sips some of his tea, "Vicki has her moments too Alfred."

"I suppose you're right sir."

"Alfred, I've been meaning to ask-" Dick is cut off mid sentence by the unmistakable laughter of The Joker. 

Quickly looking up at the GCN feed Dick sees Batman sprawled out on the floor. A pool of crimson under him, he's alive, that much he can tell, but he's in rough shape. Next to Batman is Catwoman, also apparently suffering from a wound, he thinks to himself. "Bruce! Selina!"

The Joker's laughter stops for a moment, "Here you are Gotham City! For your viewing pleasure! Tonight I bring to you the made for TV movie: Death of a Hero! Ha ha ha ha!" The camera shakes as it struggles to maintain focus, Joker swings it away from Batman and Catowoman and points it directly at himself. "I told you Bruce Wayne, I'm serious! Give me the ten million in cash that I want, or else things will get ugly. Maybe you don't care now because you have your little girlfriend with you-"

"Selina Kyle's a whore! Ha ha ha!" Dick recognizes the grating nasally laughter of Harley Quinn.

"Quiet you minx! Where was I? Oh yes, Bruce Wayne. Your girlfriend may have gotten away, but you still need to pay me. I'd hate to see anything happen to Gotham City's hero, Batman. I mean, I have a loaded gun, I've already used it! Don't think I'd use it again?"

The camera points back over to Batman and Catwoman, Dick hears a loud bang and sees Batman wince in agony, a bullet clearly hitting him in his left forearm. Unable to bear it he gets up and begins sprinting to the Batcycle. He turns around as The Joker finishes his challenge.

"Ten million dollars cash. It's all I ask. It's a small price to pay for the life of a hero, isn't it Mr. Wayne? Ha ha ha ha, he he he he, ho ho ho, ha ha ha ha-" The feed from Joker cuts off. Dick throws on his helmet and is away. I'm coming Bruce, just hang in there!


	6. Chapter 6

Things were becoming a blur to Batman as the Joker shot him for the third time. I need to keep it together, I can't let myself succumb to the pain, he thought. Joker's maniacal laughter echoed throughout the room, almost deafening. Harley hugged him tightly, thinking their plan was nearly complete. Soon, oh so soon, would they have the money they demanded, if not, then Batman would be dead. Either way, Joker would win this time.

Clenching his teeth, fighting against the intense pain of the third bullet wound to his forearm, Batman sits himself up. Propped up against a desk he whispers to Catwoman, "Selina, I-I think I should show him."

Surprised to hear him speak, Catwoman turns her head to look at her wounded man. Running her hand along his shoulder, doing her best to comfort him, "Show him what?"

"He wants Bruce Wayne," a groan of pain, this is becoming too much to bear, he thinks. Struggling to maintain his composure, he breathes out, "He wants Bruce Wayne, I'll give him Bruce Wayne. It's the only way we're going to survive this."

Can he really be serious? Does he intend to reveal the one secret that no one other than a small handful of his "family" know? Catwoman shakes her head incredulously. He can't do this! Gotham needs Batman as much as it needs Bruce Wayne. The pain is unbearable, time is running short. "You can't do this. I won't let you!"

Batman lifts a hand, grabbing onto the desk. He pushes himself up, using the desk as a crutch to support his frame. This has to be done, the madness needs to stop and I'm the only one who can do it! "I have to do this Catwoman."

"Watch Harley, it's only a matter of time before we hear from our friend, Bruce Wayne."

Harley squeals with glee, we're going to have everything we've ever wanted! "Puddin', when we get the cash, will you take me out for a nice romantic evening on the town?"

"You know it toots. In fact, I may even treat you to a visit with Commissioner Gordon! I know how much you love to play with him! Ha ha ha!"

"You know just what a girl wants, Mr. J."

Batman staggers towards the two, intent on interrupting their celebration. "Don't be so sure of yourself Joker."

The laughter stops as Joker glowers at Batman, "What do you mean Dork Knight? I've won! Don't you see? You're in no state to fight."

"No, I may not be," reaching a hand under the bottom of his cowl, Batman begins to pull it off. An object lands against his hand before he can get it passed his nose.

"Don't do it Batman."

Dick? He made it! "Nightwing!"

"If it isn't the original Boy Blunder, how long has it been? I remember when you just this tall!" Joker laughs as he sees Nightwing come into view. Well, he's definitely taller than I remember.

"Joker, you've played your last prank!" Nightwing lunges forward in a flash, twirling, he lands a swift kick onto the Joker's jaw.

Harley joins the fray and tries to land a sucker punch on him. Ducking just in time to dodge the flying fist, Nightwing lands a hard palm on the small of her back, knocking her to the floor in a heap. "Well, well, well, Joker. Looks like the odds have evened up."

Joker procures his pistol yet again, leveling it at Nightwing, "If you know what's good for you, you'll stop what you're doing right now."

It's a standoff. Nightwing stands mere feet away from Joker, staring at each other, both with hate in their eyes. I can't afford to let Joker hurt another friend, another loved one. With a great effort, Batman launches from his feet and tackles Joker, knocking the pistol out his hand. A blind rage engulfs him as he lands punch after punch onto the Joker's face. I will make you pay for everything you've done to us tonight, he thinks. The time has come to put an end to this, I can't let this go!

Summoning all of his strength, Batman lifts Joker up by his collar. "This is it. I'm going to kill you!"

Joker gasps for breath, trying to break free from Batman's iron grip. Dragging along the floor like a rag doll, he mutters out, "You-you can't kill me! It's against your rule!"

Batman kicks out a window, this is it. I will drop the bastard to his death, can't say I'll miss him at all. With all of his might, Batman lifts Joker, and holds him out of the window by the throat. "Now, you'll suffer for all you've wrought on Gotham City. You'll feel the pain I've endured for years! Joker, you will die!"

Before he can let go of the clown, Nightwing cries out to him, "This isn't the way Batman! You can't do this!"

"I have to, I need to stop him from being able to do this to anyone ever again, Nightwing!"

"No you don't. Stop now. We can bring him to Arkham."

Snarling, Batman responds, "So he can escape again? When will it end if we don't do something now!"

"Batman, please." Another voice cries out to him, Selina. "I know how he's hurt you, but you can't win like this."

Growling with rage, Batman staggers back into the room and throws Joker across the floor. Collapsing and breathing hard, the rage begins to ooze back out of him like a bad disease. "Did I really almost do that?"

Nightwing crouches down and rubs his friend's shoulder. "It's OK Batman, you didn't."

Catwoman stumbles over as well, her wounds beginning to take hold, "You were wonderful. But one last thing to take care of."

"Which is?"

Directing her eyes over to Harley and Joker, "Getting those two restrained."

Taking out a fine piece of rope, Nightwing proceeds to tie up the two criminals. "Get off me Boy Blunder! Don't crease the suit!"

Landing a hard fist on Joker's nose, Nightwing says politely, "Don't worry, your suit will be fine. Not so sure about your nose though."

Catwoman wraps her arms around Batman and sighs. This horrible nightmare is finally over. Leaning towards him she plants a passionate kiss on his lips, he responds in kind. "Thank you Bruce."

"I would do anything for the ones I love Selina."

The next day, Bruce lays in his bed, his wounds are still pounding. Alfred wrapping up his bullet wounds look over at Dick and Selina, "Well, Master Bruce, it seems you had one hell of an evening, if I do say so."

Smiling for the first time in what feels like an eternity, Bruce's relief clear, "All in a days work Alfred."

"Now, if only we can have a few days off before the next Joker sighting, then we'll be OK, " Dick says trying to crack a laugh out of Bruce.

Chuckling to himself, Bruce thinks, if only there was a guarantee that the clown wouldn't ever return. "Dick, I don't think I ever thanked you for your help yesterday."

"Bruce, you've known me for how long? Thanks are hardly necessary."

Selina smiles warmly at Dick, "I certainly think they're necessary. Without your help, who knows where we'd be right now."

The three are interrupted by the voice of Jack Ryder: "As you can see ladies and gentlemen, the hostage situation at City Hall has been abated. The Joker has been apprehended thanks to the efforts of Batman, Catwoman and Nightwing. Joker is currently en route to Arkham Asylum, his lieutenant, Harley Quinn has been delivered to Gotham General Hospital for treatment from severe internal bleeding."

The pictures on the television screen begin showing something that causes both Bruce and Selina to blush. "As you can see here, Batman is most certainly in league with the mysterious criminal known as Catwoman. What now for these two apparent lovers? Will we be seeing some weird cat-bat babies in the near future? GCN will be here with all the developments as they happen."

Dick gives Bruce a mischievous grin. "Cat-bat babies?"

"Don't get any ideas Dick," Bruce laughs out loud at the absurdity of the news story.

"We seem to make headlines no matter whether we're Bruce and Selina or Batman and Catwoman!" Selina chuckles.

"I think it's time we all had a well earned drink, Alfred?" Bruce summons Alfred into the bedroom. Brandishing a bottle of cognac, he pours out four glasses. Lifting his glass high, Bruce proclaims, "To the greatest family a man could ask for!"

THE END


End file.
